November 26, 2016
My heart is broken. The amount of sorrow that I have
experienced this week is far greater than any other time in my life, and it
only makes it harder having to bear it on the other side of the world. I wish
with all my heart that I could be with my family, but I know that I am, as
Ethan is, where God needs me right now.
I have found so much comfort in the countless emails I have
gotten, the phone calls I have received from family, the astonishing amount of
love and support that has been manifested to my family through various news
sources and forms of social media, but most importantly, through God. The
passages that I have read and pondered in scripture and other words of ancient
and modern day prophets, coupled with the prayers which have been spoken in our
behalf have done wonders to soften my heart and lift my spirit, and I have
since gained a greater appreciation for the knowledge of the Plan of Salvation
than I knew possible. I KNOW that Ethan is in a better place, and I KNOW that I
will one day see him again.
Now, none of us can make the assumption that Ethan wanted to
pass on. Nobody in their right mind desires death. Ethan wanted to live his
life, and if you knew him, you also know that he did just that. He lived life
to the fullest and always stood up for what he believed in. If there was
something he wanted to do or get there was no stopping him, he would always
find a way. He knew his goals and he
knew how to reach them. Along with being one of the most determined people
around, he was also one of the most selfless, he always looked for ways to pick
others up if they were feeling down, and bring someone in if they were feeling
left out. But one of the best things about him, is that he could always put a
smile on your face, even if he was being a complete and utter turd.
And he was always
willing to help, always willing to serve. I felt very privileged anytime I got
the opportunity to work shoulder to shoulder with my younger brother. I gained
a sense of responsibility to watch over him, and teach him what I knew, but
often times I found myself learning from him, the teacher would become the
student.
But Ethan was more than just someone I felt a
need to look out for, he was my best friend. My first memory, the earliest
event that I can think back to, is eating a strawberry that the nurses had
given my mom in the hospital, the day he was born. Needless to say, it was not
my love for the fruit that caused that experience to be imprinted on my heart
forever, it was the excitement of receiving a baby brother and another addition
to our family.
Now, I can't tell
you what life was like for my family before Ethan came into this world, because
frankly, I just don't remember, but anyways, I'm sure it was good. I CAN tell
you that growing up with Ethan, made life GREAT. The countless adventures
exploring the nature park behind our house, or building forts out of left over
2X4's in our unfinished basement, are the type of memories that will live on
forever.
I recall one experience of becoming preoccupied,
as all young boys do, with digging a hole to China on the east end of our
backyard. We grabbed the shovels, and started our journey, determined to come
out victorious on the other side of earth. We dreamed of the treasures we would
find along the way, and the Chinese emperors that would greet us on the other
side. Unfortunately, a few feet down, reality set in... we never reached that
foreign land, but we felt a sense of accomplishment when we reached the
sprinkler pipe, that we agreed was most likely made in China... so we declared
victory, and got distracted with some other boyish task.
From a young age
you could tell that Ethan's actions were going to have a lasting affect, not
just physically, (though you can still see an imprint on the spot where we decided
to dig the hole) but also mentally and spiritually. The example that he set
through his work ethic and through his interactions with others defined him as
a young man and set him up as a source of light to everyone around him.
One of the finest
examples of this was in his service. When we were younger, our scout group,
like many others, would put American flags up around the neighborhood on
national holidays, and it was not always easy... It's hard, especially at a
younger age to sacrifice your sleep and go pound re-bar into the ground early
in the morning! But regardless of the day or time, if the flags were supposed
to be up, you could count on him hard at the work, bright and early. Whether we
were putting flags up, or taking them down, he would never utter a word of
complaint.
But along with
being a hard worker and a selfless servant, he was also a little bit of a
rebel... it would be wrong of me to write of Ethan and not mention how
free-spirited he was... he was always pushing the status quo... and I loved
that about him-whether it was him refusing to buy new shoes, because his beat
up vans weren't merely a fashion statement, but a way of life; or not cutting
his hair because of some reason unbeknownst to me... He always found a way to
be his own man. He even pushed the status quo of his choice of diet by making
the choice to become vegan, then again pushed the status quo of being vegan, by
disregarding all requirements necessary to call himself one.
Ethan had a fire, a desire, inside himself, to
live life to his own terms, the way HE wanted to live, and by doing so, was an
example to the rest of us. I was so proud to hear of his plans for an
Eagle Scout project, and I got so excited when I learned that he had chosen to
work at marking climbing routes in various climbing areas up Big and Little
Cottonwood Canyons.
Climbing is very
dear to our hearts, it was one of the best ways in which we found time to bond.
We always knew that time on the wall, would be time well spent. It gave us time
to talk about life and school and work and girls. I'm really grateful for all
the times we got to climb together, and I'll never forget the early mornings,
hot afternoons, and late nights spent at Red Rocks, Ferguson, or other places
up LCC. We had some really great times together, I loved being able to spend a
few hours at the crag with him, being able to work out the moves on a specific
climb, and I especially loved hearing his stories of all the climbing routes he
had accomplished that gradually got harder and harder. It really is a testament
to his perseverance.
Ethan taught us a
great deal of things and stood as a role model in many different aspects of
life. But I believe that the area that he was the greatest role model was in
his aptitude and energy in fulfilling his priesthood duty. Whether it be
attending young men's activities, participating in Sunday lessons, or coming to
church early to help prepare, and be ready to bless the sacrament. Ethan had a
remarkable way of bearing his testimony through his actions. Ethan was an
amazing friend, an awesome brother, and a strong member of the church.
I love and miss him so, so much, but I can’t
help but feel grateful at this time. Grateful for the wonderful 16 years that
God was willing to give us together. Grateful for all the many memories that I
was able to share with him, and I am especially grateful that God blessed me
with a late mission call, so I could spend the whole summer with him and my
family.
I am going to
miss the family trips and vacations to various places in Utah and other areas
around the world. We could always count on a good time in Lake Powell, or Moab,
and I will never forget getting to wander around Central Park in New York, or
getting to run up and down Cannon Beach in Portland, meandering through the
Sacred Grove in Palmyra, or spending hours upon hours at all the different
museums and monuments around Washington D.C. There was even one time that we
set up our slack line in a park near Niagara Falls in Canada, and made five
whole dollars!
We shared many
great experiences as a family with him. But it's not just the big adventures
that I am going to miss. I LOVED being able to drive to school together, and
see each other in the halls, and going out to lunch together and always getting
back to class late, and most of all just having a chill out session where we
would crank the tunes, and break out the art supplies.
It’s not going to
be easy to get over this loss. This is definitely the hardest thing that I have
ever gone through. But Ethan would not let tragedy get him down, and I do not
believe that he would want it affecting us in a bad way either. My very
favorite poem is about trials, and at times like these I have found reassurance
that everything will turn out fine. Its title is "Good Timber", and
it goes as follows,
The tree that
never had to fight
For sun and sky
and air and light,
But stood out
in the open plain
And always got
its share of rain,
Never became a
forest king
But lived and
died a scrubby thing.
The man who never
had to toil
To get to
heaven from common soil,
Who never had
to win his share
Of sun and sky
and light and air,
Never became a
manly man
But lived and
died as he began.
Good timber
does not grow with ease:
The stronger
wind, the stronger trees;
The further
sky, the greater length;
The more the
storm, the more the strength.
By sun and
cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and
men good timbers grow.
Where thickest
lies the forest growth,
We find the
patriarchs of both.
And they hold
counsel with the stars
Whose broken
branches show the scars
Of many winds
and much of strife.
This is the
common law of life.
Yes, this is
the hardest trial yet, and the only way that this wound can heal is with time,
lots and lots of time. But we can find comfort in knowing that God is our
loving Heavenly Father, and that he truly does know, and love each of us more
than we can even begin to comprehend.
He wants us to
be happy. HE WANTS US TO BE FOREST KINGS, and if that includes having to endure
a few broken branches, and having to fight for that sun and sky and air and
light, then so be it.
WE DID NOT
CHOOSE GOD’S PLAN BECAUSE IT IS EASY, WE CHOSE GOD’S PLAN BECAUSE IT IS WORTH
IT. I KNOW HE HAS A PLAN FOR EACH AND EVERYONE OF US, AS HARD AS IT MAY NOW BE,
THIS IS HIS PLAN FOR ETHAN. I KNOW ETHAN IS IN A BETTER PLACE NOW, AND THAT HE
IS CONTINUING GOD’S WORK WHERE HE NEEDS HIM. WE MISS HIM. WE LOVE HIM. BUT GOD
LOVES US AND GOD LOVES HIM MORE. Knowing this, allows us to ask the two
questions in 1 Corinthians 15:55, which states, "O death, where is thy
sting? O grave, where is thy victory?"
I am so
extremely grateful that God was willing to send his son Jesus Christ, to die
for us, that there is no sting in that, and so that the grave hath no victory.
I KNOW that this separation is only temporary, and I KNOW that I will see him
again. Once again, I love my family with all my heart, and I love this gospel
with all my heart, and I seal my message and testimony in the name of Jesus
Christ, Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment