Saturday, December 3, 2016

Talk for the funeral of Ethan Mitchell Fraga

November 26, 2016

My heart is broken. The amount of sorrow that I have experienced this week is far greater than any other time in my life, and it only makes it harder having to bear it on the other side of the world. I wish with all my heart that I could be with my family, but I know that I am, as Ethan is, where God needs me right now.

I have found so much comfort in the countless emails I have gotten, the phone calls I have received from family, the astonishing amount of love and support that has been manifested to my family through various news sources and forms of social media, but most importantly, through God. The passages that I have read and pondered in scripture and other words of ancient and modern day prophets, coupled with the prayers which have been spoken in our behalf have done wonders to soften my heart and lift my spirit, and I have since gained a greater appreciation for the knowledge of the Plan of Salvation than I knew possible. I KNOW that Ethan is in a better place, and I KNOW that I will one day see him again.

Now, none of us can make the assumption that Ethan wanted to pass on. Nobody in their right mind desires death. Ethan wanted to live his life, and if you knew him, you also know that he did just that. He lived life to the fullest and always stood up for what he believed in. If there was something he wanted to do or get there was no stopping him, he would always find a way. He knew his goals and he knew how to reach them. Along with being one of the most determined people around, he was also one of the most selfless, he always looked for ways to pick others up if they were feeling down, and bring someone in if they were feeling left out. But one of the best things about him, is that he could always put a smile on your face, even if he was being a complete and utter turd.

And he was always willing to help, always willing to serve. I felt very privileged anytime I got the opportunity to work shoulder to shoulder with my younger brother. I gained a sense of responsibility to watch over him, and teach him what I knew, but often times I found myself learning from him, the teacher would become the student.

 But Ethan was more than just someone I felt a need to look out for, he was my best friend. My first memory, the earliest event that I can think back to, is eating a strawberry that the nurses had given my mom in the hospital, the day he was born. Needless to say, it was not my love for the fruit that caused that experience to be imprinted on my heart forever, it was the excitement of receiving a baby brother and another addition to our family.

Now, I can't tell you what life was like for my family before Ethan came into this world, because frankly, I just don't remember, but anyways, I'm sure it was good. I CAN tell you that growing up with Ethan, made life GREAT. The countless adventures exploring the nature park behind our house, or building forts out of left over 2X4's in our unfinished basement, are the type of memories that will live on forever.

 I recall one experience of becoming preoccupied, as all young boys do, with digging a hole to China on the east end of our backyard. We grabbed the shovels, and started our journey, determined to come out victorious on the other side of earth. We dreamed of the treasures we would find along the way, and the Chinese emperors that would greet us on the other side. Unfortunately, a few feet down, reality set in... we never reached that foreign land, but we felt a sense of accomplishment when we reached the sprinkler pipe, that we agreed was most likely made in China... so we declared victory, and got distracted with some other boyish task.

From a young age you could tell that Ethan's actions were going to have a lasting affect, not just physically, (though you can still see an imprint on the spot where we decided to dig the hole) but also mentally and spiritually. The example that he set through his work ethic and through his interactions with others defined him as a young man and set him up as a source of light to everyone around him.

One of the finest examples of this was in his service. When we were younger, our scout group, like many others, would put American flags up around the neighborhood on national holidays, and it was not always easy... It's hard, especially at a younger age to sacrifice your sleep and go pound re-bar into the ground early in the morning! But regardless of the day or time, if the flags were supposed to be up, you could count on him hard at the work, bright and early. Whether we were putting flags up, or taking them down, he would never utter a word of complaint.

But along with being a hard worker and a selfless servant, he was also a little bit of a rebel... it would be wrong of me to write of Ethan and not mention how free-spirited he was... he was always pushing the status quo... and I loved that about him-whether it was him refusing to buy new shoes, because his beat up vans weren't merely a fashion statement, but a way of life; or not cutting his hair because of some reason unbeknownst to me... He always found a way to be his own man. He even pushed the status quo of his choice of diet by making the choice to become vegan, then again pushed the status quo of being vegan, by disregarding all requirements necessary to call himself one.

 Ethan had a fire, a desire, inside himself, to live life to his own terms, the way HE wanted to live, and by doing so, was an example to the rest of us.  I was so proud to hear of his plans for an Eagle Scout project, and I got so excited when I learned that he had chosen to work at marking climbing routes in various climbing areas up Big and Little Cottonwood Canyons.

Climbing is very dear to our hearts, it was one of the best ways in which we found time to bond. We always knew that time on the wall, would be time well spent. It gave us time to talk about life and school and work and girls. I'm really grateful for all the times we got to climb together, and I'll never forget the early mornings, hot afternoons, and late nights spent at Red Rocks, Ferguson, or other places up LCC. We had some really great times together, I loved being able to spend a few hours at the crag with him, being able to work out the moves on a specific climb, and I especially loved hearing his stories of all the climbing routes he had accomplished that gradually got harder and harder. It really is a testament to his perseverance.

Ethan taught us a great deal of things and stood as a role model in many different aspects of life. But I believe that the area that he was the greatest role model was in his aptitude and energy in fulfilling his priesthood duty. Whether it be attending young men's activities, participating in Sunday lessons, or coming to church early to help prepare, and be ready to bless the sacrament. Ethan had a remarkable way of bearing his testimony through his actions. Ethan was an amazing friend, an awesome brother, and a strong member of the church.

 I love and miss him so, so much, but I can’t help but feel grateful at this time. Grateful for the wonderful 16 years that God was willing to give us together. Grateful for all the many memories that I was able to share with him, and I am especially grateful that God blessed me with a late mission call, so I could spend the whole summer with him and my family.

I am going to miss the family trips and vacations to various places in Utah and other areas around the world. We could always count on a good time in Lake Powell, or Moab, and I will never forget getting to wander around Central Park in New York, or getting to run up and down Cannon Beach in Portland, meandering through the Sacred Grove in Palmyra, or spending hours upon hours at all the different museums and monuments around Washington D.C. There was even one time that we set up our slack line in a park near Niagara Falls in Canada, and made five whole dollars!

We shared many great experiences as a family with him. But it's not just the big adventures that I am going to miss. I LOVED being able to drive to school together, and see each other in the halls, and going out to lunch together and always getting back to class late, and most of all just having a chill out session where we would crank the tunes, and break out the art supplies.

It’s not going to be easy to get over this loss. This is definitely the hardest thing that I have ever gone through. But Ethan would not let tragedy get him down, and I do not believe that he would want it affecting us in a bad way either. My very favorite poem is about trials, and at times like these I have found reassurance that everything will turn out fine. Its title is "Good Timber", and it goes as follows,

The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.
The man who never had to toil
To get to heaven from common soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man
But lived and died as he began.
Good timber does not grow with ease:
The stronger wind, the stronger trees;
The further sky, the greater length;
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.
Where thickest lies the forest growth,
We find the patriarchs of both.
And they hold counsel with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and much of strife.
This is the common law of life.

Yes, this is the hardest trial yet, and the only way that this wound can heal is with time, lots and lots of time. But we can find comfort in knowing that God is our loving Heavenly Father, and that he truly does know, and love each of us more than we can even begin to comprehend.

He wants us to be happy. HE WANTS US TO BE FOREST KINGS, and if that includes having to endure a few broken branches, and having to fight for that sun and sky and air and light, then so be it.

WE DID NOT CHOOSE GOD’S PLAN BECAUSE IT IS EASY, WE CHOSE GOD’S PLAN BECAUSE IT IS WORTH IT. I KNOW HE HAS A PLAN FOR EACH AND EVERYONE OF US, AS HARD AS IT MAY NOW BE, THIS IS HIS PLAN FOR ETHAN. I KNOW ETHAN IS IN A BETTER PLACE NOW, AND THAT HE IS CONTINUING GOD’S WORK WHERE HE NEEDS HIM. WE MISS HIM. WE LOVE HIM. BUT GOD LOVES US AND GOD LOVES HIM MORE. Knowing this, allows us to ask the two questions in 1 Corinthians 15:55, which states, "O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?"


I am so extremely grateful that God was willing to send his son Jesus Christ, to die for us, that there is no sting in that, and so that the grave hath no victory. I KNOW that this separation is only temporary, and I KNOW that I will see him again. Once again, I love my family with all my heart, and I love this gospel with all my heart, and I seal my message and testimony in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

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